3 signs it's time to hire a third-party mediator

Here's how to know it's time to seek support in sticky moments of conflict.

I wrote this post after a call with a client of mine who’s been moving through some stubborn conflict at their workplace and was curious whether or not it was time to bring someone in to mediate.

Hiring an outside consultant to mitigate workplace tension isn’t giving up, nor should it be considered a loss. A third party can provide an added level of trust and assurance to the parties involved, and give time back to the team members that were attempting to resolve the conflict. If handled properly, a third party can also help to minimize the ripples of the rupture, keeping the workplace more calm as the conflict is addressed.

This post outlines my opinion on the three signs that indicate it’s time to seek more support.

Most workplace conflict resolves on its own, or with a manager's help. Some doesn't. When a rupture between two people digs in, waiting rarely fixes it, and the wrong person stepping in can make it worse. Here are three signs it's time to bring in a neutral third party.

1. It keeps coming back.

It’s not Halloween, but you can tell that there’s something haunting your team. You already addressed the conflict, and the parties involved have committed to repair. The culture even positively shifted, and you thought you were in the clear. But, weeks later, the same tension is back in a new form. You can sense resentment, or frustration simmering. This implies that the resolution didn’t reach the actual problem. An outside facilitator may be able to get underneath it by providing a fresh perspective, creating a different type of neutral space than they had before, and offering new points of entry for the affected parties.

2. A manager has become the go-between.

Organizations that are highly cooperative may engage a manager, or other go-between to help mitigate a conflict. That’s not a bad thing, but sometimes, the person in the middle remains there: lobbing messages between the two parties, acting as a place for parties to vent, or constantly acting as referee when things get heated. A mediator can be part of the path toward resolution, but not the resolution itself. This can often lead to resentment from the person in that position, and occasionally, new conflict. Meanwhile, the parties at a distance will have less opportunities to repair their relationships with others directly. An outside party can help transition the conflict off the manager and back into the hands of those directly impacted.

3. No one inside can hold it neutrally.

The people best positioned to help are often too close. A manager may not seem like a neutral support if they’re writing the parties’ performance reviews. An HR or equity lead has a relationship with both people, which might foster a sense of distrust. And when power, identity, or history are in play, impartiality matters more and is harder to find inside the building. A neutral third-party has no stake, no history with either person, and no review to write. That's what lets both people trust the process enough to be honest in it.

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